If the person you care for has died

How you feel

Everyone’s reaction to losing someone is different. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your own grief. Listen to yourself. Do what feels comfortable and helpful for you. Do not do what other people say you ‘should’ do, unless you really want to. 

There are no set limits on grief, and no set pattern of emotions and behaviours that everybody follows. Grief does not always happen straightaway. Immediately after a death there are a lot of practical things to do, like registering a death and arranging the funeral, and family and friends tend to be around a lot more. It may be that only when all the practicalities are dealt with, and the people around you get back to their everyday lives, that you start to grieve.

When the person you care for dies, as well as coping with the loss, you may also have to deal with the loss of your caring role. You might feel guilty about feeling relief, and you may also feel exhausted and alone. The death of the person you cared for may mean that the relationships you built with professionals involved in their care come to an end. Carers also talk about losing contact with friends and family because of the demands of their caring role. Picking up old social contacts or meeting new people may be the last thing you feel like doing when you have just lost someone. 

Who can help?

The best help and support often comes from the people you know best - and who know you best. You may find that some people seem awkward around you, often because they want to do and say the ‘right thing’ but are not sure what that is. If you feel able, tell the people around you what you need from them and how they can help. Close family and friends may also be able to help you do this.

Talking about what has happened, and about the person who died, can help you come to terms with their death, and cope with the feelings you have. Friends and relatives who knew the deceased and can share memories of them with you, can be a great source of support.

Talking to other people who have been bereaved, and who have a better understanding of what you are going through, can also help. You can find a list of local services that we know about online here. You could also ask the professionals involved in the care of the deceased if they know of any local services. 

If you are finding it hard to cope with the emotions you are feeling, and it is affecting your health or daily life, you could seek more specialist help. Your GP may be able to refer you for counselling, or you could try contacting Cruse Bereavement Care. Cruse also have a helpline and website for young people - Hope Again.

Practical matters

Immediately after the death

Will there be a post mortem?

A post mortem is a medical examination of the body of the deceased. Post mortems are usually carried out when there is uncertainty around the cause of death.

Post mortems can be requested by the coroner (an independent official who inquires into unnatural death, e.g. sudden, unexpected or those related to procedures or operations) or by the hospital or close relatives. Permission of the close relatives of the deceased must be sought if the hospital wants a post mortem carried out, but the permission is not needed if the post mortem is requested by the coroner.

These will take place as soon as possible, usually within two to three working days of the death and the body is released on the day of the post mortem, so planning for the funeral should not be affected. Following the post mortem, reports are sent to the GP/consultant of the deceased and the coroner (if applicable). Relatives can also request a copy.

For more information, you can visit the GOV.UK website. 

Organ donation

It may have been the deceased’s wish to donate their organs for transplant or medical research and, if you are aware that was the case, you need to inform the healthcare professionals involved in their care as soon as you can after the death.  

For further advice or information go to www.organdonation.nhs.uk or telephone the Human Tissue Authority on 020 7269 1900.

Registering the death

How quickly does this need to be done?

A death must be registered within five days. 

Where do I register the death?

Deaths are registered at the local registry office. You do not have to register the death yourself. Another relative may be able to register the death as long as they take all the necessary documents - including the medical certificate you were given by the hospital, hospice or GP. The registry office may only see you by appointment, so it is a good idea to phone first. You can contact your local registry office on:

• Bournemouth and Christchurch - 01202 123777
• Poole - 01202 123232

What documents do I need to take with me?

When you register the death, you must take the medical certificate showing the cause of death with you. You should also try to bring the persons:

• birth certificate
• NHS medical card
• proof of address
• a driving licence
• marriage or civil partnership certificate
• passport

Don't worry if you can’t find all of these documents, you will still be able to register without them. The registrar will also want to know:

• the person’s full name (at the time of death)
• any other names that the person used (e.g., a maiden name)
• their date and place of birth, including the town and county if they were born in the UK, or just the country if they were born abroad
• their last address
• their occupation or last occupation if now retired
• the full name of their spouse or civil partner, if they’ve died
• details of any state pension or benefit they were receiving.

What do I get from the registrar?

The registrar will give you:

• a certificate of registration of the death
• a certificate for burial or cremation
• a certificate for Department for Work and Pensions benefits.

You will be able to buy copies of the death certificate at the time - or at a later date. It is advisable to have a few extra copies for dealing with the will and other business. 

You may be able to access the governments ‘Tell us Once’ service, which reports a death to most government organisations in one go. When you register the death the registrar will let you know if this service is available to you, give you the contact number for this and a unique reference number to use the service.

The funeral

The funeral can be very important in helping you, friends and the family of the deceased to mourn. It is an event when the person’s life can be thought of, valued, and celebrated. It is a time to think of the person who lived, and not just the difficulties of the last few weeks, months or years spent caring for them.

Arranging the funeral

When the funeral takes place may depend on factors such as religious or cultural requirements. Aside from that, the funeral or cremation does not have to happen immediately, unless that is what you want. In any case, you will not be able to finalise the date until the death has been registered.

When planning the funeral, you should find out whether the deceased left any instructions about their funeral in a Will or other written document. Other than that, you can choose between burial, cremation or alternative burials of various sorts and, if you choose to use one, a professional funeral director will help you make arrangements. There is further information about these options on the GOV.UK website. 

Paying for the funeral

Funeral costs can be quite high so it is worth obtaining quotes from more than one funeral director. Make sure that everything has been included (church or other venue for the service, burial or cremation fees, cars for the mourners, flowers etc). You can ask for written quotations.

If you arrange the funeral, you will be the person responsible for ensuring the fees are paid, so it is sensible to check in advance if the deceased had money available to cover the costs. You could check their paperwork to find out:

• whether they took out a pre-payment funeral plan
• whether they had a pension scheme or insurance plan which included a lump sum for funeral costs.
• whether they belonged to a union or professional association which pays benefits when a member dies.
• whether a lump sum could be released from a savings account

Alternatively, you or the executor (the person responsible for sorting out the deceased’s estate) may be able to pay the costs of the funeral yourself and then recover this from the costs from the estate.

Help with funeral costs for people with a low income

If there are no other means of paying for a funeral, you may be able to claim a Funeral Payment from the Department for Work and Pension. Eligibility is based on your circumstances (rather than those of the deceased) and you may be eligible if you, or your partner, are in receipt of at least one of the following benefits:

• Income Support
• Income Based Jobseekers Allowance
• Pension Credit
• Housing benefit
• Child Tax Credit
• Income Related Employment and Support Allowance
• Working Tax Credit
• Universal Credit

You can claim the Funeral Payment any time between the date of the death and up to three months after the date of the funeral. The payment you receive will cover the cost of specified necessary items and services (e.g. burial fees) and up to £700 for other funeral expenses. Be aware, though, that the payment will not necessarily cover all the costs of the funeral, so there may be an outstanding amount that you have to pay.

For further information, or to download the form go to the GOV.UK website.

After the funeral

After the death of someone close to you, there are many practical tasks that need to be carried out. The property and possessions of the deceased will need to be dealt with and your own situation may change, e.g. the benefits you claim, where you live, etc. Here are some of the commonly asked questions.

How do I sort out the property and possessions of the deceased?

When someone dies, everything they own is called their estate. If the person who died has left a Will, this will indicate how they wanted their estate to be divided after their death. It will also name executors (the people they want to deal with the Will).

The estate cannot be used to pay bills or debts, or be divided up for gifts and inheritance until either:

• the Will has been granted probate - this is a formality which
• confirms that a will is legally in order.
• a grant of administration has been given - this is a formality which allows the personal representative to deal with the estate when there is no will.

This means that any bank accounts in the deceased person’s name will be frozen until the formalities have been completed. Bank accounts in joint names can be used by the other account holder.

I had Power of Attorney for the deceased - does this carry on?

If you had Power of Attorney for the person you cared for, because they were no longer able to deal with their own money and affairs, the Power of Attorney stops being in force as soon as the person dies. You will not be able to continue to use their bank account, or carry out any business on their behalf.

Will I have to pay Inheritance Tax?

There is normally no Inheritance Tax to pay if the person you cared for had an estate below a certain threshold determined by the Government. Inheritance Tax will have to be paid on any amount above that. However, Inheritance Tax does not have to be paid if the estate goes to the deceased’s spouse or civil partner.

For more information about how Inheritance Tax is calculated and paid, contact the Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline. 

What else do I need to do?

 The following would be useful to get done as soon as you can manage it:

• send the benefits certificate given to you by the registrar to the Department for Works and Pensions, so that they can deal with the pension and/or benefits of the deceased.
• contact the local tax office to inform them of the death.
• contact the local authority in connection with council tax, any support from social care, parking permits etc.
• contact any relevant insurance companies, pension providers, banks and building societies.
• contact the executers of the Will if there is one or, if there is no Will, decide who will apply for the letters of administration.
• if the person you cared for had any NHS equipment on loan, e.g. crutches, wheelchair, or medical equipment, you will need to arrange for this to be returned.

If you are able to use the ‘Tell us Once’ service, a lot of the above will be taken care of for you.

What about my own finances?

The death of the person you cared for may have an effect on your own financial situation and you may need to find out which benefits you can claim:

Carers Allowance and carer premium/addition

If you were receiving Carers Allowance when the person you cared for died, this will usually continue for eight weeks from the Sunday following their death. If you were receiving a carer premium as part of your Income Support or Pension Credit this will also continue for eight weeks.

If you were 65 or over and entitled to Invalid Care Allowance (as Carers Allowance was then called) on 27 October 2002, you will be entitled to Carer’s Allowance indefinitely.

Bereavement benefits

Bereavement benefits are not means tested, but they will be taken into account as income if you claim any means tested benefits.

A bereavement payment is a one off lump sum, tax free payment paid on the death of your spouse or civil partner. It is only payable if you are under state pension age when your spouse died, unless they were not entitled to a pension. There are also National Insurance Contribution conditions based on your spouse or civil partner’s contribution record, unless they died of an injury or disease due to work. You should claim this within 12 months of your spouse or civil partner’s death.

Bereavement Allowance is a regular taxable payment made if you were age 45 or over when your spouse or civil partner died. It is payable for 52 weeks. The amount you are paid relates to your age when your spouse or civil partner died but is only payable up to State Pension age and will be reduced if your spouse or civil partner’s National Insurance Contribution record was incomplete.

Widowed Parent’s Allowance is a regular taxable payment for people under pension age who have been bereaved and have dependent children (or for women if they are pregnant). If your spouse or civil partner met the National Insurance Contributions conditions the full rate is payable. If not, you receive a proportionately reduced amount of the allowance, unless they died of an injury or disease due to work.

Note: You cannot be paid a Widowed Parent’s Allowance and Bereavement Allowance at the same time. A Bereavement Payment can be paid in addition to Widowed Parent’s Allowance or

Bereavement Allowance.

To claim a bereavement benefit, download the appropriate claim forms on the GOV.UK website. 

I am over State Pension age, can I still get bereavement benefits?

Widowed Parent’s Allowance and Bereavement Allowance cannot be paid beyond state pension age. When you reach state pension age, and if you have not remarried or formed a civil partnership, you will be entitled to a State Pension, if your late spouse/civil partner satisfied the National Insurance Contributions or died as a result of injury or disease due to work. You could qualify for a pension based on both your own National Insurance Contributions records and your spouse/civil partner’s record, if that would give you a higher state pension. For further details contact the Pension Service. 

The person I was caring for was a council tenant and I had been living in the property with them. Does this mean I will be evicted now they have died?

If you are the husband, wife or civil partner of the person you cared for, you can inherit their tenancy. This takes priority over that of any of their relatives. Partners or other family members who lived in the property for at least 12 months will usually have the right to take over the tenancy and remain in the property. However, if the council considers the property unsuitable for you to live in (e.g. it is too big for your needs or it has had adaptations you do not need) they may ask you to move to another property. They must give you notice to leave between 6 and 12 months after the tenants death.

If you and the person you cared for were joint tenants, you will have the right to take over the tenancy yourself. Be aware that if you take over the tenancy completely, you could also inherit and have to pay back any rent arrears for the property.

If you are not certain if this applies to you, contact your local council. 

My mother owned her house outright. I have been living with her and caring for her for the last few years, but the house has been left to me and my siblings - can they insist I move out?

If the property you live in is owned jointly by you and your siblings, and they are happy for you to carry on living there, there is no reason for you to move out. However, if your siblings wish to sell the property, you do not have the right to stay based on having cared for your mother, so it will be up to you to negotiate deferring the sale to allow you to continue living there.

If you are at risk of being homeless because of the sale of the property you have been living in, seek advice as soon as possible.

If you need advice about your housing situation, you could get in touch with Shelter.

Useful contact numbers (as mentioned throughout)

Bereavement Support

• Cruse Bereavement Care - 0808 808 1677
• Hope Again (young people living after loss) - 0808 808 1677 
• Samaritans - 116 123

Practical Matters

• Organ Donation - 0300 123 2323 
• Local Registry Office for Bournemouth and Christchurch - 01202 123777
• Local Registry Office for Poole - 01202 123232
• Bereavement Service Helpline - 0345 606 0265
• Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline - 0300 123 1072

Finances/Benefits

• The Pension Service - 0800 731 7898
• Turn2Us - 0808 802 2000
• Housing Advice - Shelter on 0808 800 4444.